Today's thought

You ever felt like you had so much to say but couldn't get it all out. Usually what you end up with is a big pile of nothing. I'm thinking this is one of those days for me but lets see. I had to go up to NY to witness one of the most painful things I have had to see in a while. I had to watch while my baby brother help move his wife and children out of his house!! Let that sink in and stir around in your head for a little bit and you'd be amazed how blessed you can feel compared to some.

My heart breaks for him because he is mostly alone up there mostly because I feel sometimes like we abandoned him when we all moved to NC to try to improve our lives. My heart really breaks because although he isn't the best husband ever born to this earth he is one of the best fathers I've ever known. People say that all the time but many times the remarks are unfounded. His girls mean everything to him and that feeling is amplified now that he feels he is 'losing them'.

I love my brother and not because you are supposed to love your brother. He is a great kid. Sometimes he is misguided and doesn't make good decisions but over all he has a big heart and I just love him. I've never said so to him but of everything I had to leave behind in NY 10 years ago when I moved, he was by FAR the hardest. This feeling has never left me. I feel the most complete when I am together with him and my sister. Like something is back together that has been pulled apart and is so right when its together. We are so good together and I feel like the space between us has been good on one had because personally I am in such a better place here then up in NY but I also get the feeling when we visit each other that we have been cheated of something special by being apart.

Especially for me. I always felt like a father figure (not a good one by the way) for my family since my parents divorced when I was 9. So I feel like when we are together I am better for them.

Now I know I took my brothers awful situation and made it all about me but let my brother get a blog if want's people to read his story. ;)

I guess the bottom line is I feel guilty for not being able to do more but more importantly not being able to be more for my kid brother. I trust someday God will reveal his plan for our family and hopefully all the struggles he has given us along the way were preparing us for something great. Either way I trust him to do the right thing with us. He hasn't let us down yet and I'm pretty sure I won't live to see that happen.

Tell people you love them every chance you get. It never hurts.

Why is it easier?

Why is it so easy to inspire or lead others and so hard to do the same for yourself. I'm not bragging here..... but I have some really good ideas.... for other people. I can't come up with one for myself though. I can look externally at someone else's life and break down what they should do to improve their situation and give all kinds of good advice.... to other people. I just have a problem looking at myself the same way. It almost seems like I need to turn myself into other people.

For some reason I can't see the things in my life that need improvement and I can't really change much. Like this.... I'm driving down the street (this is gross) and I'm picking my nose, not like a real angry picking, just a mild scratching of the inside and I look over at the guy next to me and I think to myself "That's disgusting" while I'm doing the same thing.

What is that?? Oh well. I'm off to ponder this for a bit. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Email me or leave a comment if you feel the same thing or have an idea about how this effects you and how you deal with it...

Happy Flippin New Year

Lets face it, last year sucked, most of the time last year does. That is why it is last year. All the way back then. So long ago. History.

We always reflect on the worst that happened and the worst we were. Honestly, give me the first memory from last year that pops in your head...... Crappy wasn't it???

If you can have one New Years resolution you can stick to (good luck with that gym membership, I have extras if you need them) Don't vote REPUBLICAN. Just kidding..... Live by one simple philosophy.

Make tomorrow a better day than today.

Think of the possibilities of what is errrr... ahh... possible....... You know what I mean. Human nature is to be pesimistic. Use it against itself. If yesterday sucked.... today could be better right???

Sorry, I'm rambling and I think someone might have pee'd in my jello shooter - or these are urine flavored..... Either way, I've had to many to care.

Happy new year! I'm hoping this year is better for you than last year! (couldn't hurt to try)

Love ya, Mean it!

Laff